OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD

This has to be a joke. It just fucking has to...

According to noted journalistic sage Bob Woodward, in a story in today's Denver Post, Dick Cheney will most likely run for President in 2008.

Yep, Vice President Dickless Crashcart, reluctantly stepping up to the plate for one last time, determined to hit one out of the park for the Gipper. (Okay, I know I'm mixing my sports metaphors, but so what? I'm a writer -- mixed metaphors are my stock-in-trade.)

Well. Okay. Fine. Maybe then the MSM/SCLM will have grown enough balls to ask the motherfucker some pertinent questions. Like if homosexuality is a learned behavior resulting from poor parenting skills, why did Little Mary Cheney turn into a dyke? Was it from reading an early draft of Lynn's bosom-heaving bodice-ripping Lesbian-love trash novel?

Unless it's genetic. Like everyone in the Reality-Based Community has been saying all along. But Lynn can't handle that either, because that fickle finger of genetic accusation would be swiveling in her direction, and that Lesbian Licking Love novel is Exhibit Number One. Lynn Cheney, Closet Dyke, who passed those unfortunate genes on to her daughter. Shame on you, Lynn.

Oh yeah, and there's one more question I'd like to ask The Dick: Who died in your place in Vietnam, you chickenhawk asshole draft-dodging duty-ducking cowardly motherfucker? Which of these guys from your hometown of Casper, Wyoming was killed in Vietnam instead of you because you had other priorities and couldn't be bothered with going into the military service along with all of us low-life beer-drinking trailer-dwelling white-trash and inner-city-minority dropout morons who weren't smart enough or connected enough or rich enough to weasel out of it?

So how about, Dickless? Answer up. Who died in your place? The fucking rightwing neocon fascist noise machine lost no time in 1992 asking that question of Bill Clinton. Now it's your turn.

Who died in your place in Vietnam, Dick Cheney?