Thursday, September 20, 2012

I'm a Satanist! Who Knew?

Apparently Rick Perry (R-Moron) knew all along: The driving force behind the movement for church-state separation is none other than Satan, Lucifer, Old Scratch, the Prince of Darkness, Son of Perdition, etc. etc. -- in short, The Devil Himself -- in all His Satanic Majesty, I presume.

Wow, if "speak of the devil and he will appear" is true, then I ought to have a room full of demons behind me right now. Wait, what?! Let me check...

Okay, I'm back. I think we're okay -- I seem to be alone...

Well, regardless, since I have been an outspoken lifelong advocate for maintaining the constitutionally-guaranteed separation of church and state (I've been at it so long that I go back to when Americans United for Separation of Church and State was still called "Protestants and Other Americans United for Separation of Church and State"), I guess The Horned One got his hooks (hooves?) into me at an early age without my even knowing about it!

Damn, why does this always happen to me? If I'd only known who I was really working for, I'd have made a better deal. For example, I could have made better choices for parents and consequently could have spent a lifetime wallowing in such obscene wealth that I could have had a different Lamborghini for every day of the week, a different supermodel for every night of the month, and a different mansion for every month of the year. Hell, I could even have eaten Passenger Pigeon flambé and wiped my ass on Dodo feather toilet paper.

Sound harsh? Fuck that, that's the way we Satanists roll! Pass me some of that virgin, will you?