Monday, March 30, 2009

Gingrich is a Catholic Now?

Directly from our WTF? file is the news that our old buddy Newtie G. converted to Catholicism on Sunday.

Yeah, I thought it was a joke at first myself, something out of The Onion ("the news" in general is now so bizarre that it threatens to drive The Onion out of business), but no, there it is.

This three-times-married and two-times-matrimonial-loser, former corrupt Speaker of the House, full-time Georgia cracker and self-described "historian" apparently had to make that fatal leap into the arms of the Great Whore of Babylon because his current squeeze, third wife Callista, stopped putting out unless he submitted to the will of the Pope. I'm just saying...

And almost simultaneous to his conversion, Newtie started railing against Notre Dame for having the fucking nerve to invite the President of the United States to deliver its commencement address.

Plus it turns out that Newt is a Twit. Okay, we knew that already, but he has, of all things, a Twitter presence, wherein you will find this deathless piece of prose:

It is sad to see notre dame [sic] invite president obama [sic] to give the commencement address Since [sic] his policies are so anti catholic [sic] values.
Okay, come on. I realize that the rules of English have been relaxed somewhat with the advent of texting and such crap, but this fucker is supposed to be smart. I mean he supposedly has a PhD for crissakes. Anyone who commits that many errors in a single sentence is desperately in need of some remedial education.

And it kind of makes me wonder what ghost writers he used for those books he supposedly wrote himself. And his doctoral dissertation? If he can't write a single declarative sentence without fucking it up this bad, then he had to have a ghost writer for that as well.

But back on topic. How is Newtie, if he really plans to run for president, going to justify this leap of bad faith to the Fundo-Xians who make up the core of the Rethug base? After all, no lesser a personage than über-evangelist John Hagee has been making the claim for years that the Catholic Church is, in fact and in prophecy, the Great Whore of Babylon.

I just don't see it happening that the Fundos will ever, when the chips are down, elevate the Newtster to the exalted status of Rethug standard bearer and banner boy.

So what the fuck is really going on here? Can it really be so simple, can it really be that presumptive presidential candidate Gingrich is willing to throw away his only chance to become president because the old lady has cut him off from sex until he was willing to take on the mantle of Catholicism?

Actually, given his past history with women and his insatiable inability to keep it in his pants, it wouldn't surprise me at all.