In our semi-regular segment, The Rapture Will Not Be Televised, I note that religious rapture professional Harold Camping (wrong in 1992, 1994, and last May) is once again claiming that The Rapture is gonna happen -- yeah, this time for sure, really! -- next week.
Jeez, when will this demented old geezer finally just GTFU ("give the fuck up") on this shit?
Still, though, I am willing to spend some good money on attorneys who will draw up letters of transfer for the personal and real property of those who think that they will be "translated" to that Higher Plane come next week. After all, they aren't going to need those cars, houses, clothing and personal effects after they shuffle off this mortal coil, and those of us who are Left Behind are going to need some creature comforts which will aid us in the long night ahead.
Anyone want to show some Christian charity and that spirit of sharing that Jesus (the "real" one, not the one that totes the M16 and is willing to smite mightily his enemies) preached about? Just contact me here.
I'll be waiting...
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"I don't see why we need to stand by and watch a country go communist due to the irresponsibility of its people. The issues are much too important for the Chilean voters to be left to decide for themselves."
"When you give food to the poor, they call you a saint. When you ask why the poor have no food, they call you a communist."
"It is a truism that almost any sect, cult, or religion will legislate its creeds into law if it acquires the political power to do so, and will follow it by suppressing opposition, subverting all education to seize early the minds of the young, and by killing, locking up, or driving underground all heretics."
"Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."
"If you don't stand for something you will fall for anything."
"The less justified a man is in claiming excellence for his own self, the more ready he is to claim all excellence for his nation, his religion, his race or his holy cause."
"When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag, carrying a cross."
"Secular schools can never be tolerated because such a school has no religious instruction and a general moral instruction without a religious foundation is built on air; consequently, all character training and religion must be derived from faith.... We need believing people."
"I believe in an America where the separation of church and state is absolute--where no Catholic prelate would tell the President (should he be Catholic) how to act, and no Protestant minister would tell his parishioners for whom to vote -- where no church or church school is granted any public funds or political preference -- and where no man is denied public office merely because his religion differs from the President who might appoint him or the people who might elect him."
"To assert that the earth revolves around the sun is as erroneous as to claim that Jesus was not born of a virgin."
"Christian Fundamentalism: The doctrine that there is an absolutely-powerful infinitely-knowledgeable universe-spanning entity that is deeply and personally concerned about my sex life."
"When a man is freed of religion, he has a better chance to live a normal and wholesome life."
"All wonder is the effect of novelty upon ignorance."
"Those who give up liberty for security deserve neither and will lose both."
"It is in no way lawful to demand, to defend, or to grant unconditional freedom of thought, or speech, of writing, or of religion, as if they were so many rights that nature has given to man."
"There is no need to sally forth, for it remains true that those things which make us human are, curiously enough, always close at hand. Resolve, then, that on this very ground, with small flags waving and tinny blasts of tiny trumpets, we shall meet the enemy, and not only may he be ours, he may be us."
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Retired. Disabled Veteran. Democrat. Cancer Survivor. Stroke Survivor. Radical. Socialist. Non-theist. Political Activist. Witty Impromptu Comedian. Writer. Professional Pain in the Ass. Class Warrior. And Smart-Mouth Dispenser of Political Snark.
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- Farnsworth is a disabled Vietnam Veteran with a bad attitude and too much time on his hands.
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More Quotations
"I don't see why we need to stand by and watch a country go communist due to the irresponsibility of its people. The issues are much too important for the Chilean voters to be left to decide for themselves."
-- Henry Kissinger
"When you give food to the poor, they call you a saint. When you ask why the poor have no food, they call you a communist."
-- Archbishop Helder Camara
"It is a truism that almost any sect, cult, or religion will legislate its creeds into law if it acquires the political power to do so, and will follow it by suppressing opposition, subverting all education to seize early the minds of the young, and by killing, locking up, or driving underground all heretics."
-- Robert A. Heinlein
"Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."
-- Voltaire
"If you don't stand for something you will fall for anything."
-- Malcolm X
"The less justified a man is in claiming excellence for his own self, the more ready he is to claim all excellence for his nation, his religion, his race or his holy cause."
-- Eric Hoffer
"When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag, carrying a cross."
-- Sinclair Lewis
"Secular schools can never be tolerated because such a school has no religious instruction and a general moral instruction without a religious foundation is built on air; consequently, all character training and religion must be derived from faith.... We need believing people."
-- Adolph Hitler
"I believe in an America where the separation of church and state is absolute--where no Catholic prelate would tell the President (should he be Catholic) how to act, and no Protestant minister would tell his parishioners for whom to vote -- where no church or church school is granted any public funds or political preference -- and where no man is denied public office merely because his religion differs from the President who might appoint him or the people who might elect him."
-- President John F. Kennedy
"To assert that the earth revolves around the sun is as erroneous as to claim that Jesus was not born of a virgin."
-- Cardinal Roberto Bellarmine, 1615,
during the trial of Galileo
"Christian Fundamentalism: The doctrine that there is an absolutely-powerful infinitely-knowledgeable universe-spanning entity that is deeply and personally concerned about my sex life."
-- Andrew Lias
"When a man is freed of religion, he has a better chance to live a normal and wholesome life."
-- Sigmund Freud
"All wonder is the effect of novelty upon ignorance."
-- Samuel Johnson
"Those who give up liberty for security deserve neither and will lose both."
-- Benjamin Franklin
"It is in no way lawful to demand, to defend, or to grant unconditional freedom of thought, or speech, of writing, or of religion, as if they were so many rights that nature has given to man."
-- Pope Gregory XVI (1831-1846)
"There is no need to sally forth, for it remains true that those things which make us human are, curiously enough, always close at hand. Resolve, then, that on this very ground, with small flags waving and tinny blasts of tiny trumpets, we shall meet the enemy, and not only may he be ours, he may be us."
-- Walt Kelly, Pogo
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5 Comments:
I have always wondered what possesses those like this zealot to claim that they alone know the date of the rapture when their very words contridict what the Bible they so vigorously thump states.
Thursday is my birthday and I shall quaff some suds and Kentucky whiskey - the follwing day is my brother's birthday - I shall do the same again.
Fuck Harold Camping..
Sarge
Thanks, Sarge. Have one for me while you're at it. I'm still going out to my monthly OFD (Old Farts Dinner -- a group of fellow retirees from the State of Washington plantation do it every month) on Thursday. At least when the world ends, I'll be among friends.
-- The F Man
[OPO Vet: Saw this on the net, hope you find it interesting. Ben]
LDS a "cult"? What about the "rapture"?
by Bruce Rockwell
Mitt Romney, a Mormon, is "not a Christian" and Mormonism is a "cult," according to Rev. Robert Jeffress, pastor of the Dallas (TX) First Baptist Church.
His "cult" remark is based on his belief that the Latter-day Saints church (which didn't exist before 1830) is outside "the mainstream of Christianity."
But Jeffress hypocritically promotes the popular evangelical "rapture" (theologically the "any-moment pretribulation rapture") which is outside mainstream Christianity (Google "Pretrib Rapture Politics") and which also didn't exist before 1830 (Google "Pretrib Rapture Diehards" and "Pretrib Rapture Dishonesty")!
And there are 50 million American rapture cultists (some of whom turn Wikipedia into "Wicked-pedia" by constantly distorting the real facts about the rapture's bizarre, 181-year-old history) compared with only 14 million LDS members.
The most accurate documentation on pretrib rapture history that I have found is in a nonfiction book titled "The Rapture Plot" which is carried by leading online bookstores. I know also that the same 300-page work can also be borrowed through inter-library loan at any library.
Latter-day Saints believe in fairness, which is why I feel called to share this message.
Search Wikipedia for Millerism or Millerites or the Great Disappointment of October 22, 1844. Nothing new under the sun!
@ anon: Thank you -- I knew that there was something weird about the provenance of that whole rapture thing. This book ought to shed some historical light on it. Here's a link to The Rapture Plot on Amazon for those who want to read more.
@Analyst: Thanks and here's a clickable link to the Wikipedia article on the Millerites. It never ceases to amaze me that what appear to be level-headed and sincere people can suddenly come unhinged like this.
You are right, there is nothing new under the sun (which itself is from the Xian Bible...)
--The F Man
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