Monday, October 17, 2011

The Rapture? Again? Yawn...

In our semi-regular segment, The Rapture Will Not Be Televised, I note that religious rapture professional Harold Camping (wrong in 1992, 1994, and last May) is once again claiming that The Rapture is gonna happen -- yeah, this time for sure, really! -- next week.

Jeez, when will this demented old geezer finally just GTFU ("give the fuck up") on this shit?

Still, though, I am willing to spend some good money on attorneys who will draw up letters of transfer for the personal and real property of those who think that they will be "translated" to that Higher Plane come next week. After all, they aren't going to need those cars, houses, clothing and personal effects after they shuffle off this mortal coil, and those of us who are Left Behind are going to need some creature comforts which will aid us in the long night ahead.

Anyone want to show some Christian charity and that spirit of sharing that Jesus (the "real" one, not the one that totes the M16 and is willing to smite mightily his enemies) preached about? Just contact me here.

I'll be waiting...


Sarge said...

I have always wondered what possesses those like this zealot to claim that they alone know the date of the rapture when their very words contridict what the Bible they so vigorously thump states.

Thursday is my birthday and I shall quaff some suds and Kentucky whiskey - the follwing day is my brother's birthday - I shall do the same again.

Fuck Harold Camping..


Farnsworth68 said...

Thanks, Sarge. Have one for me while you're at it. I'm still going out to my monthly OFD (Old Farts Dinner -- a group of fellow retirees from the State of Washington plantation do it every month) on Thursday. At least when the world ends, I'll be among friends.
-- The F Man

Anonymous said...

[OPO Vet: Saw this on the net, hope you find it interesting. Ben]

LDS a "cult"? What about the "rapture"?

by Bruce Rockwell

Mitt Romney, a Mormon, is "not a Christian" and Mormonism is a "cult," according to Rev. Robert Jeffress, pastor of the Dallas (TX) First Baptist Church.
His "cult" remark is based on his belief that the Latter-day Saints church (which didn't exist before 1830) is outside "the mainstream of Christianity."
But Jeffress hypocritically promotes the popular evangelical "rapture" (theologically the "any-moment pretribulation rapture") which is outside mainstream Christianity (Google "Pretrib Rapture Politics") and which also didn't exist before 1830 (Google "Pretrib Rapture Diehards" and "Pretrib Rapture Dishonesty")!
And there are 50 million American rapture cultists (some of whom turn Wikipedia into "Wicked-pedia" by constantly distorting the real facts about the rapture's bizarre, 181-year-old history) compared with only 14 million LDS members.
The most accurate documentation on pretrib rapture history that I have found is in a nonfiction book titled "The Rapture Plot" which is carried by leading online bookstores. I know also that the same 300-page work can also be borrowed through inter-library loan at any library.
Latter-day Saints believe in fairness, which is why I feel called to share this message.

Analyst said...

Search Wikipedia for Millerism or Millerites or the Great Disappointment of October 22, 1844. Nothing new under the sun!

Farnsworth68 said...

@ anon: Thank you -- I knew that there was something weird about the provenance of that whole rapture thing. This book ought to shed some historical light on it. Here's a link to The Rapture Plot on Amazon for those who want to read more.

@Analyst: Thanks and here's a clickable link to the Wikipedia article on the Millerites. It never ceases to amaze me that what appear to be level-headed and sincere people can suddenly come unhinged like this.
You are right, there is nothing new under the sun (which itself is from the Xian Bible...)
--The F Man