Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Welcome to the NRA

I don't know where they got my name and address, but today I got in the mail my "official" NRA membership card -- genuine plastic, too! None of that cheap-ass cardboard for them -- and a nice "personal" letter from Wayne LaPierre who is just full of warnings about my Second Amendment rights teetering on the brink of extinction from the likes of "hundreds of anti-gun politicians, global gun ban diplomats at the UN, militant anti-hunting extremists, radical billionaires and the freedom-hating Hollywood elite."

Jesus, is there anyone on the left who didn't get excoriated by Li'l Wayne's wire brush dipped in vitriol?

The only thing that stands between me -- me! -- and complete domination by those crypto-communista-fascists in the government, the media elite and their leftwing dupes in general is ... surprise! membership in the NRA.

Imagine that. For only the price of membership (just $25!) I can personally hold back the tide of creeping liberalism and protect my personal right to blow away pretty much anyone I want.

Jeez, what a tempting offer. Especially since I've been described (by my friends!) as a "gun totin' meat eatin' redneck liberal".

What I am tempted to do -- and would, if I were younger -- is actually join the NRA and then go out and recruit a bunch of like-minded leftists (there have to be more than four million gun owning liberals in the country -- more than the entire membership of the NRA) to also join the NRA, and then when we're in the majority, stage a coup and take over.

Then we could use the NRA as a platform to lobby for reasonable gun laws, and not take the ridiculously stupid and societally dangerous position that EVERYBODY has the right to own ANY FUCKING WEAPON ever made.

I really hope that someone will take me up on this and take the lead. Let me know and I'll join for sure.


linda said...

I have no need to buy a gun, but I really want to join your non-violent revolution takeover! Fabulous idea!

Labrys said...

I find it hard to believe that the NRA seems ignorant of the concept of "dripping fang liberals" who are anything but wishy-washy on gun rights or any other kind of rights. But then, apparently the 21st century is the time of the moron. (And it is amusing that the spam verify bit says 'gunref' on this comment)

Anonymous said...

I wish my old man never bought my damned 3 year membership. That right-wing nutjob LaPierre begs for donations every month like I have elephant dollars galore. When he probably knows through the FOIA that I'm one of those unemployed people that barely count because I could never get on the dole. I just want to be able to enjoy shattering clay pigeons until China takes over... FTW.


Farnsworth68 said...

I suspect that there are a large number of "gun rights liberals" out there who would never think of joining the NRA.
I'm still thinking that a mass joining of the NRA by all of us would be a blow for sanity.
It's hard to pull off, though, since unlike the Rethugs, organizing the left wing is like herding cats...
-- The F Man

Labrys said...

Herding cats? Difficult? You mean opening a can of tune won't do it?

Farnsworth68 said...

If it's our cats, they'd turn up their noses. Only the finest imported in gold cans tuna could tempt them, the picky little shits!
--The F Man