I'm a Satanist! Who Knew?

Apparently Rick Perry (R-Moron) knew all along: The driving force behind the movement for church-state separation is none other than Satan, Lucifer, Old Scratch, the Prince of Darkness, Son of Perdition, etc. etc. -- in short, The Devil Himself -- in all His Satanic Majesty, I presume.

Wow, if "speak of the devil and he will appear" is true, then I ought to have a room full of demons behind me right now. Wait, what?! Let me check...

Okay, I'm back. I think we're okay -- I seem to be alone...

Well, regardless, since I have been an outspoken lifelong advocate for maintaining the constitutionally-guaranteed separation of church and state (I've been at it so long that I go back to when Americans United for Separation of Church and State was still called "Protestants and Other Americans United for Separation of Church and State"), I guess The Horned One got his hooks (hooves?) into me at an early age without my even knowing about it!

Damn, why does this always happen to me? If I'd only known who I was really working for, I'd have made a better deal. For example, I could have made better choices for parents and consequently could have spent a lifetime wallowing in such obscene wealth that I could have had a different Lamborghini for every day of the week, a different supermodel for every night of the month, and a different mansion for every month of the year. Hell, I could even have eaten Passenger Pigeon flambé and wiped my ass on Dodo feather toilet paper.

Sound harsh? Fuck that, that's the way we Satanists roll! Pass me some of that virgin, will you?

An Embarrassment

Heeeere's Perry! Take a look at this video and you'll see a rambling and semi-coherent Rick Perry at a speech in New Hampshire.

Is this really the person we want to represent the United States? At least Bush was a dry drunk. Perry looks like that guy you meet in a bar, who is just over the edge of inebriation and thinks he's the life of the party when he's just another dipshit with dipsomania.

Stick a fork in him. He's done.

Sure, Good Idea! Invade Mexico! It Worked Before!

Whenever you think that the Rethugs just can't get any worse, you will always be in for a surprise.

Now Rick Perry wants to invade Mexico!

Why not? We've done it twice in our history, first in the so-called-by-white-people Mexican War, and once more in 1916 when General John "Black Jack" Pershing made an incursion -- a "punitive expedition -- into Mexico allegedly in pursuit of the "bandit" Pancho Villa.

As you can well imagine, the native Mexicans were less than happy to see us there each time. As in Baghdad, troops were not met with flowers and open arms. Nor will they be so welcoming when General Perry leads his wetpants troops across the Rio Grande this time around.

But you still gotta hand it to the Rethugs. They will do almost anything, go almost anywhere, to fight a war.

Just so long as they are fighting it with someone else's children.

News Flash: Herman Cain IS Black

Herman Cain, famous for his incomprehensible "999" plan (just turn them upside down and you'll get -- gasp --- 666!) has finally found his "black" voice.

Seems Rick Perry's dad leased some land in Texas near a rock formation known locally as "N****rhead", which was painted on the rock. However, it seems that it had been painted over some 20+ years ago and finally it was turned completely over so no one can see even where it had been.

End of story, you'd think Not for old Herman, though. He came right out and called it "troubling" and "insensitive".

All of which led the Perry campaign to fight back. Yadda yadda yadda.

How about all the black prisoners that Perry executed? Whattaya got to say about that, Herman?

Yeah, that's what I thought. It's the mark of a desperate campaign when they have to trot out a non-issue from a quarter century ago and try to make a big deal of it.

The name itself dates from a distant time, when geographical names were not by any stretch of the imagination "politically correct". It's a sad commentary on the way things used to be. In the state of Washington we've had any number of racist and/or sexually suggestive place names, e.g., Squaw Tit Mountain, Cock Rock, etc. Those have all been changed now, and Cock Rock -- so named because it resembled a giant erect penis -- has been changed to the neutral "Rooster Rock", which leaves most people wondering what happened to all of the roosters.

A "Mere" $5000?

I find it interesting that Prick Perry had to go out of his way to say that he can't be bought for a "mere" $5000.

Okay, fair enough, but it kind of begs the question: How much would it take to buy him?

I think the answer is found here.

It's an old joke but one that has more validity today than it ever did: It's the best government that money can buy.

More on the Debate

BTW, it was also a disgusting charade, a spectacle of how many people could kiss a dead president's ass in less than two hours. Even elderly moron Ron Paul, who so famously told Reagan to kiss his ass back in the 80s, and not in a good way. He was right there sucking at the Holy Dick of Saint Ronald along with the rest of that sad pack of political porkchops.

Of course, to be fair, it was held at the so-called Reagan Library, and some praise of the dead saint and his "revolution" was probably thought to be de rigueur, seeing as how it was taking place under the suspended corpse of a plane reputed to be Air Force One. Okay, maybe it really was, but at any given time there was more than one "Air Force One" in the nation's arsenal. In practice, there were several, if not many, and each would get its designation as Air Force One only when the president was actually aboard... And did you see Nancy Reagan the couple of times they cut to her? If she actually knew where she was and what she was doing there, you couldn't tell it from that spaced-out look she had. She's either on some good meds, or Alzheimer's turned out to be contagious in Reagan World.

Anyway, I digress. The most appalling -- the most chilling -- moment came when Brian Williams, the moderator, made mention of the fact that serial-killer Rick Perry had been the executive in charge when 234 people had been killed by the state. Before Perry had a chance to stroll out his smug canned response, the room erupted in applause.

Applause. These are all presumably kind of mainstream-ish Republicans, and they applaud the fact that the Texas governor has killed 234 people.

But keep it in perspective: The current governor's body count is negligible compared to that of his predecessor, Baby Doc Bush, whose total body count, direct and indirect, is in the hundreds of thousands, maybe even by this time the millions, nearly rivaling that of Pol Pot.

But, as Orrin Hatch (R-Underwear) said one time, without a hint of irony or sarcasm, "the death penalty is how we show our respect for human life"...

Bachmann Out? Say it Ain't So...

According to the latest buzz on the Internets, it appears that Crazy-Eyes Bachmann's campaign is over.

Damn, when you get headlines like "I believe in god and $2 gas" and "Bachmann suggests eliminating Dept of Education" and "Bachmann says hurricane and earthquake are signs from god"... Well, it's gonna be a less humorous year for those of us in the snark business.

Too bad. I love watching people I hate self-destruct. Now we can only hope that on-again-off-again half-governor Sarah Palin will finally -- and really -- get in the game. If she doesn't (and all indications are that she eventually won't), then the campaign can be really boring.

But not necessarily. Rick Perry is an untapped reservoir of humor. With Bachmann out, it's only a matter of time for him to fuck up royally. He's perfectly capable of gaffes of immense proportions, as a quick Google for the phrase "Rick Perry idiot" will reveal.

I'm Back

Of course you probably already knew that, from my Sept 1 posting of the Book of the Month. Nevertheless, I'm now back pretty much full time, with my usual rants, raves and kicking against the pricks*, taking arms against the slings and arrows... well, you get the idea.

The 2012 election is just 426 days away, and I keep watching the unraveling of the progressive dream with some alarm. If this keeps up, I will be reluctant to give the Obama reelection campaign the full-court press next fall, at least not the way I did in 2008. As I saw someone comment a month ago or so, "The thrill is gone"...

Still, all we have to do is imagine the presidency of another legal-execution-serial-killer governor of Texas, long on swagger and short on humanity, in the White House and that ought to scare us enough to campaign for pretty much anyone who is not a Rethug. But I hate having the feeling that I am voting for just the lesser of two evils. After all, the lesser evil is still an evil.

I hope you all had a good summer. Our weather here FINALLY started cooperating with the calendar. A little late if you ask me, but it's going to be in the 80s all week, with clear skies. I've been wanting to get the telescope out all summer and do some star gazing and planet watching, and it looks like I'll finally get that.
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[* The Xian Bible, from the writings of the most macho of the followers of Jesus, a guy named The Axe of the Apostles; apparently this phrase, like "pussyfooting", is not what it sounds like...]