North to Alaska

I haven't posted for the last week or so because we've suddenly become really busy with a garage sale and the unanticipated -- and stunning -- announcement from my granddaughter that She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed and I are about to become ... wait for it ... great-grandparents!!!!

It took us by complete surprise. Okay, I knew it was bound to happen eventually -- the Farnsworth clan is nothing if not fecund -- but I didn't think it would happen this soon.

So now we're off to Alaska where we will meet our son's girlfriend -- who is also carrying another grandchild for us (I told you we were a fecund lot).

I'll be back in a couple of weeks, once the shock wears off, and assuming that I don't get eaten by a bear. The boy is taking me on a zipline tour above bear country, so there is some doubt whether I'll survive ("Remember when I wanted to hang out with my friends and I couldn't because you grounded me? Take this, old man!" Snip, drop, eeeeyaaaaa!!!)

In the meantime, you can ponder the large number of names that appear on this list, and wonder why the Democrats can't seem to get into those high numbers...

"THE Cover"

Okay, everyone has seen by now the infamous New Yorker cover, so we don't need to go into a lengthy rehash of it.

I was an English major in college lo these many years ago, and one of my "specialities" was satire. And I can tell you, without a hint of reservation, that this cartoon was NOT satire. It was at best a lampooning juvenile parody, more suitable to the pages of, I don't know, the National Lampoon (although I'm sure that even they wouldn't have published it) or Mad Magazine (same caveat applies).

If it were, however, as the mouthpieces for the New Yorker have been all over the MSM declaiming, in actuality, a satire of the wingnuttery's impressions of the Obamas, there was absolutely no context to indicate that.

If, for example, they had shown Rush Limbaugh stretched out on an opium couch with the cartoon as his drug-induced hallucination, then it would have been satire. As it was, it was nothing more than a semi-skillful illustration of the Moron-American voting bloc attitude that reinforces their already-elevated prejudices against the Obamas.

It's disgusting -- and appalling -- and the editor and publisher of the New Yorker ought to be ashamed. It's especially disingenuous for them to try to explain it away ("our readers are too sophisticated", etc.) when they don't run a corresponding cover on McCain, showing him as, say, a zombie "Manchurian Candidate" by way of Night of the Living Dead, and his trophy wife as a charity-thieving trollope-dressing c-word dope addict.

Anybody wanna bet on when that's gonna happen? Yeah, I didn't think so.

It makes me wish I'd been a subscriber, just so I could inflammatorily cancel my subscription.

Impeachment Now -- It's Not Too Late!

You gotta hand it to Dennis Kucinich. Like a Timex watch, he takes a licking and keeps on ticking. He's condensed his impeachment articles down to just one, and you can put your voice to it on his website.

Go there and sign the petition, copies of which will be hand-delivered by Dennis to your congressman/woman.

Let them know that we STILL want impeachment hearings.

Remember, Baby Doc will be able to issue blanket presidential pardons to everyone -- including Karl Rove and Dick Cheney -- before he leaves office, unless he is under impeachment!

Obama and the FISA Vote

I will admit that I was more than a little disappointed in Barack Obama's seeming shift to the right over this issue, but I'm not about to take him to task for it. Beating John McCain is the most important thing in the political world to me; I'd still actively support Obama even if there were a video of him stomping puppies (and come to think of it, there might as well be, since he's being taken to task -- and cast as some kind of Anti-Faux-News Un-American -- because the Obama family has no pets... but that's another rant for another day).

But after I got to thinking about it, I can understand why he did it. His vote didn't matter one way or the other, the bill would still have passed if he'd voted the other way. But, by casting his vote in favor of the bill, it immediately and automatically removes an item of ammunition from the Other Side -- you know, the whole "Democrats are soft on defense, love the terrorists, etc etc" thing.

And, since Grampaw McCain had "other priorities" and wasn't present to vote on it, he's giving the Dems a precious gift: "John McCain cares so little about the defense of this nation that he didn't even bother to show up to vote", etc.

If they'll only use it.

Friday by the Numbers

Total American dead in the Iraq Illegal Occupation: 2500 2513 2532 2540 2546 2558 2571 2585 2597 2605 2619 2641 2710 2737 2758 2788 2809 2826 2865 2888 2906 2959 3006 3018 3025 3067 3087 3118 3132 3151 3166 3189 3210 3233 3245 3266 3299 3316 3337 3358 3387 3409 3444 3504 3519 3546 3577 3592 3611 3631 3683 3705 3725 3738 3760 3780 3795 3823 3830 3838 3845 3866 3875 3881 3886 3891 3896 3908 3921 3932 3943 3952 3960 3974 3987 3992 4004 4032 4036 4102 4113 4118

Total coalition forces dead: 314
Total Iraqi Dead: 700,000+

Number of days since Baby Doc said he'd get Osama Bin Laden "dead or alive": 2431
Number of days since the illegal occupation of Iraq began: 1891
Number of days since "Mission Accomplished": 1839
Number of days between Pearl Harbor and the end of WWII: Only 1347

Number of days that the the Vice President has NOT shot a man in the face: 824
Number of days that the Bush Twins are still not pregnant with baste-'em-or-waste-'em Snowflake babies: 659

It is still 253 days until the end of the BFEE Maladministration.

Baby Doc Quote of the Week

"We don't believe in planners and deciders making the decisions on behalf of Americans."

--Scranton PA, Sept 6, 2000

[I guess he eventually changed his mind about that whole "decider" thing...]

Flip Flop Flip Flop

It's hard to believe that just four short years ago the Rethugs were crowing about John "I Was for It Before I Was Against It" Kerry being a flip flopper.

Grampaw Johnny McCain said over the weekend that "this election is about trust and trusting people's word and, unfortunately, apparently on several items, Senator Obama's word cannot be trusted."

Pot, meet Kettle.
Pot: "Hi, Kettle. You're black!"

Grampaw McCain, the flag bearer for the Rethug party, doesn't really have a patent on "the truth", and, as my favorite Talking Head, Keith Olbermann, sees it, McCain has been a stellar performer in no fewer than thirty major flip-flops since 2000.

At this rate he ought to try out for the Barnum and Bailey Circus -- Floppy the Clown has nothing on McCain, and Grampaw Shakey is gonna need a new gig after election day. The only reason the Wicked Witch of the West (aka Cindy McCain) is sticking with the doddering loser is so she can be Firstest Lady, and when he loses (and loses Big Time), she's going to drop him faster than an addiction to pain pills.

Which Cindy is an expert on, so it'll be interesting to see the "compare and constrast" essay that should be required when she finally pulls the plug on Grampaw...

Weekly Bush Twins in Uniform Watch

It has now been 1472 days since Jenna and Not-Jenna Bush, the slacker offspring of Preznit Numnutz, graduated from college and they are still not in the uniform of the US armed services.

Why? Because they have other priorities. They are too busy partying down in Georgetown, Argentina and god-knows-where-else to show their support for the war by enlisting their chickenhawk-child selves into the military service, that's why.

And it's not just The Twins: ONLY ONE member of the extended Bush family has seen fit to volunteer for military service. Check out the Buzzflash analysis of the chickenshit Bush/Cheney extended family and see for yourself. There's even a photo taken in 2000 of the extended Bush family, complete with a whole lot of young fresh faces who seem to be of an age now to be eligible to enlist.

Little Georgie Bush, the son of Jebbie, has enlisted in the Naval Reserve. He's going into the Officer Training Program, preparing to be ... an intelligence officer. Okay, the obvious jokes aside, what are the chances he's ever going to see Iraq? Especially since he apparently hasn't actually even put on the uniform yet, even though he "enlisted" way last year.

Little Jenna has now married her boyfriend, one Henry Hager. Wanna bet that he won't be wearing a uniform anytime soon? Like ever? Unlike the husbands of Lynda and Lucie, the daughters of Lyndon Johnson, both of whom joined the service and went to Vietnam.

Bush and Cheney were cowards during Vietnam who sent other men off to die in their place. Now the next chickenhawk generation is doing its part, sending their own peers off to die instead of them.

Why can't the Twins be more like their royal counterparts in the UK? The British Royal Family, unlike the Bush Crime Family, has a centuries-long tradition of honorable military service. Prince Andrew was a combat helicopter pilot in La Guerra de las Malvinas (aka the Falklands War) and Prince Harry, until the decision was made not to send him, was on his way to Iraq as a cavalry lieutenant. Not to be denied, Harry turned around and went to Afghanistan on a "stealth" assignment for three months, until Matt "The Traitor" Drudge outed him for no good reason except his own self-aggrandizement.

So will the Bush Twins follow Harry's example?

No, they will not. They are fucking cowards like their father and their Uncle Dick(less) Cheney.

Be sure to check out The Yellow Elephant blog, which asks the question "It's their war; why aren't they fighting it?"

BTW, the twins are also still not pregnant with their own Snowflake Babies. If they can't -- or won't -- join the service, the least they could do would be to get themselves impregnated with a couple of blastocytes that would otherwise go down the sewer pipe.

Remember what Farnsworth always says: Baste 'em, don't waste 'em.

Baby Doc Quote of the Week

"The trial lawyers are very politically powerful ... But here in Texas we took them on and got some good medical--medical malpractice."

--Waco, TX Aug 13, 2002

[That's a relief -- nothing worse than bad medical malpractice... --The F Man]

More on the Supreme Court

Regular readers know how fucking freaked out I am over how a McCain victory would enable the neocon nutjob wing to pack the court even more tightly with Scalia clones than Baby Doc did already.

So E. J Dionne's July 1 column is a must read for anyone who feels the same way:

If the long conservative era that began with Ronald Reagan's election is over, will the judges appointed during the right's ascendancy be able to block, frustrate and undermine the efforts of a new progressive majority?
Consider this analysis from two influential journalists describing Supreme Court justices as "the last hope of the conservative interests in the United States."
Imagine, they write, that a new liberal approach to the country's problems "had been overwhelmingly approved both in Congress and at the polling booths," so "conservative interests resorted to the courts, starting literally thousands of actions to stay the government's hand." Of the ensuing fight, they say: "The liberal justices themselves called their conservative colleagues arbitrary and madly unwise. But while the liberals warned, the conservatives laughed."
Yes, we may go back to the future. Those words are from a still-compelling 1938 book called "The 168 Days" by legendary Washington journalists Joseph Alsop and Turner Catledge.

Read the whole thing. It's well worth it.

The New GI Bill: Through the Lookinglass

The new Jim Webb-sponsored GI Bill of Rights was finally signed by Baby Doc. Somewhat to my surprise, since I figured that even though it was an election year, he'd veto it. After all, he's not up for reelection.

But he did thank John McCain for his work on it, and then McCain turned right around and starting using the term "we" when he was talking about it getting passed.

Who the fuck do they think they're fooling here? McCain did everything he could to water it down and when that didn't work, to get it to fail. And when the final vote for passage came in the Senate, he was AWOL. As he has been on pretty much every vote this year.

And Baby Doc? He was against it before he was for it. He was dead set resistant since the beginning of time, which is why it was so surprising that he finally signed it, with such great flourish that anyone watching would think it was all his idea.

So now he and Grampaw Mac are taking credit for it? It's appalling. It's disgusting.

Oh, and to answer my own question above: They are fooling everyone in the Moron-American voting bloc, who remember maybe the last two news snippets they heard, the last two News McNuggets they consumed, and when it comes time to vote in November, they won't remember this but they will have a "feeling" that the Rethugs "support veterans".

And as we all know, nothing could be farther from the truth.

New McCain Tax Plan: Just Say "No"

Over at The Spoof, there's a delightful outline of the new John McCain tax plan.

For those who haven't heard the news, Cindy and Johnny failed to pay property taxes for more than four years on property owned in San Diego. Only when it became clear that they'd have to pony up the cash or suffer the angst of being a presidential candidate who could be described as a tax cheat did they finally pay up.

As The Spoof has it, "I'm selling a book describing my method, which I call 'Tax FReedom Against Untimely Demands', said McCain, "Remember: Tax FR.A.U.D. works!"

So What Did Wesley Clark Say That Was So Bad?

Wingnut media -- along with their enablers, aiders, abettors and morons in the MSM/SCLM have been climbing all over Wes Clark's ass the last couple of days, and for what?

For saying that McCain's service was honorable, he was heroic, etc., but that it didn't qualify him, any more than anyone else's, to be president.

And he was right, it doesn't. But you'd think that Clark had slapped the Pope, stomped a puppy and called McCain an alcoholic serial rapist wife beater.

If anything, Clark was too nice to doddering old fucker. Note that Clark did not attempt to dismiss McCain's service, or point out some inconvenient facts about it, such as that he lived a protected -- a charmed -- life as the son and grandson of admirals for most of his Navy service (and even for part of his time in captivity), that he most likely would have been kicked out of Annapolis if it were not for that, that he lost a couple of planes under mysterious circumstances, or his questionable role in the deadly USS Forrestal fire in 1967.

No, Wesley Clark took the high ground on these issues, and I think that both he and Obama are wise to do so. But that's not going to stop them from surfacing out here in Left Blogistan.

McCain is So Fucked

Okay, it might be a little early to start writing that political obituary, but from where I'm sitting, the omens are against him, the cards are stacked and not in his favor, the gods are not smiling, the ... [insert own metaphor here].

But P.M. Carpenter over at Buzzflash.com, who almost always has an incisive -- and insightful -- analysis, says so in his Republican Turmoil and Democratic Unity column today:

...disunity was the only way the Dems could lose this thing; or, put in starker, far bleaker terms, the only way the GOP's John McCain could win.
And that's no hyperbole, especially when you stop to ponder that even that phrase -- "the GOP's John McCain" -- ranges from the dubious to laughter-provoking. For the man's own party is still unsure if it wants him or even claims him.

Maybe it's wishful thinking on my part, but maybe Carpenter is right, and we are witnessing the inevitable unraveling of the three-part "coalition of the chilling" that made up the Rethug party.

Here's hoping that he's right. And even if he isn't, that delicious feeling of anticipation that his analysis brings is something to celebrate in its own right.

Vitter and Craig, Together Again

Jeez, when I first heard about this on the radio this morning, I thought it was something out of The Onion.

But no, it turns out to be true. David Vitterand Larry Craig have teamed up to co-sponsor something called The Marriage Protection Amendment, which would define marriage as between man and woman, blah blah blah, as an amendment to the US Constitution.

Okay, maybe it's just me, but if even I were a Rethug Koolaid drinker, I still don't think I'd want the poster boys for extramarital affairs -- and soliciting gay sex in a public bathroom -- to have their names anywhere near my amendment that calls for the sanctity of the union of One Man and One Woman...

It would appear that the Rethugs are in some kind of self-destruct mode here, and I wonder what's behind it.

But nevertheless, I'm still sitting back and enjoying watching The Odd Couple and their drumbeat for the "sanctity" of marriage. Go for it, boys. It's kind of fun to watch, in a pathetic way, these two trying to make everyone forget about their own failings. What's that line from the Xian bible about worrying about a mote in your neighbor's eye while ignoring the 2x4 in your own?

Friday by the Numbers

Total American dead in the Iraq Illegal Occupation: 2500 2513 2532 2540 2546 2558 2571 2585 2597 2605 2619 2641 2710 2737 2758 2788 2809 2826 2865 2888 2906 2959 3006 3018 3025 3067 3087 3118 3132 3151 3166 3189 3210 3233 3245 3266 3299 3316 3337 3358 3387 3409 3444 3504 3519 3546 3577 3592 3611 3631 3683 3705 3725 3738 3760 3780 3795 3823 3830 3838 3845 3866 3875 3881 3886 3891 3896 3908 3921 3932 3943 3952 3960 3974 3987 3992 4004 4032 4036 4102 4113

Total coalition forces dead: 313
Total Iraqi Dead: 700,000+

Number of days since Baby Doc said he'd get Osama Bin Laden "dead or alive": 2424
Number of days since the illegal occupation of Iraq began: 1884
Number of days since "Mission Accomplished": 1832
Number of days between Pearl Harbor and the end of WWII: Only 1347

Number of days that the the Vice President has NOT shot a man in the face: 817
Number of days that the Bush Twins are still not pregnant with baste-'em-or-waste-'em Snowflake babies: 652

It is still 260 days until the end of the BFEE Maladministration.

A New Low: 23%

The news today is that Baby Doc's approval rating has sunk to a new low. Only 23% approve the of the job he's doing as Preznit.

The real surprise, though, is this: What the fuck have those 23-percenters been smoking, to still, at this late stage in the game, where his malevolent "strategeries" have cost this nation over 4000 lives and who knows how many billions of dollars, think he's doing a good job?

Kool-aid drinkers, obviously, who would defend the motherfucker if he was seen live on stage biting the heads off chickens, crucifying Barack Obama, setting fire to Hillary Clinton, and using a strap-on dildo on Condy Rice.

Baby Doc Quote of the Week

This one produced a real Scooby Doo moment -- "duh-hyunhh?"

"The Senate needs to leave enough money in the proposed budget to not only reduce all marginal rates, but to eliminate the death tax, so that people who build up assets are able to transfer them from one generation to the next, regardless of a person's race."

--April 5, 2001

Order in the Court?

Well, almost. In a surprising 8-1 decision, Johnson v. California, the Supremes ruled that the state of California court system made it too difficult for defendants to claim racial bias in jury selection.

Johnson was a black man charged with murder of a white child. During the selection process, the prosecutor managed to systematically exclude every single black juror in the pool from sitting on the case, with the result that Johnson was convicted by the all-white jury.

So naturally this case wound its way through the legal system, all the way to the US Supreme Court, where the court came down solidly on the side of Johnson and against racial profiling and racial discrimination on the part of the state.

But note that there was that single dissenter. Want to take a guess on who that single dissenting voice belonged to?

Clarence Thomas!

Not even "Tony Quack-Quack" Scalia could find a way to rule for the state -- and I'm sure that he tried like hell to do it. And this case marks one of the very few instances in the history of the court where Thomas came down on the opposite side of a case from Scalia.

So what was Thomas's reasoning? That the states ought to be in charge of figuring out how to prevent racial profiling and discrimination on their juries. The states!

Yeah, that whole "states rights" things worked out really well in the past for black defendants in, say, Mississippi, Louisiana, Alabama, and Thomas's home state of Georgia.

See the excellent commentary on this decision -- "his dissent and rationale is like a Dave Chappelle skit (see Clayton Bixby)" --over at BlackState.com, along with a list of suggested reading for Thomas's summer vacation.

This man is so inept and out of touch with reality that he's actually an embarrassment to the legal profession, and indeed, to the entire American system of jurisprudence. But those jokers get to be justices for life, and while impeachment is always an option, it's not a practical one. It's like the old joke about politicians -- you're okay as long as you don't get caught in bed with a dead girl or a live boy...

So I guess that's all we can hope for in the case of Clarence Thomas. He's still young enough (just turned 60) to be around for a long time, still wreaking the kind of havoc and destruction that he's engaged in before (see, for example, Bush v. Gore).

Dobson v. Obama

This would be a lot funnier, if it weren't so fucking weird.

The "Reverend" James Dobson, of Focus on the Fetus Family fame, has made some pretty inflammatory accusations against Barack Obama after Obama pointed out some oddities in the so-called "Christian Bible" and said that governing under the principles of the bible would be "impractical".

Impractical? Yeah, to say the least, since the bible, as Obama says, approves slavery and says that eating shellfish is an abomination. There's more; you can read it all for yourself in the Book of Leviticus, and then maybe you can send your own letter to Dobson, the way I sent one to "Doctor" Laura on this same topic...

I think it's abso-fucking-lutely hilarious that Dobson can say, with a straight face, without a trace of irony, "I think he's [Obama] deliberately distorting the traditional understanding of the Bible to fit his own world view, his own confused theology," Dobson said, adding that Obama is "dragging biblical understanding through the gutter..." and that Obama should not be referencing "antiquated dietary codes" and passages from the Old Testament that are "no longer relevant" to the teachings of the New Testament.

The mind reels, the brain is boggled, the...Jesus, protect me from your followers...words fail me...

This from a man who has made a fucking career of misinterpreting the Xian bible and dismissing that wussy "peace guy" Jesus as some kind of new age hippie weirdo. It's especially mind-boggling when you think that Dobson himself freely quotes from the Old Testament -- in fact the very book of Leviticus -- when he is busy condemning those "ho-mo-sessuals" who are lurking at every turn, demanding their "special" rights...

Now that I think of it, I am going to send that letter to Dobson. I just dropped by Focus's web page and they don't provide an email address (surprise surprise), but this is important enough that I think it deserves a snail-mail letter. I'm sending it off tomorrow to (according to the website):

Focus on the Family
(street address not required)
Colorado Springs, CO 80995

I guess they're pretty fucking important if the PO doesn't even require a street address, eh?

And just in case you didn't click that link, here is the actual text of the actual letter (thanks again to bible-student-cum-snarky-genius J. Kent Ashcraft) I'm going to send to Dobson tomorrow:

Dear Doctor Dobson:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your website and from your various appearances on radio and in the television media, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can.

When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific Bible laws and how to follow them:

(a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors complain to the zoning people. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

(b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. What do you think would be a fair price for her? She's 18 and starting college. Will the slave buyer be required to continue to pay for her education by law ?

(c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense and threaten to call Human Resources.

(d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? ....Why can't I own Canadians? Is there something wrong with them due to the weather?

(e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should this be a neighborhood improvement project ? What is a good day to start? Should we begin with small stones? Kind of lead up to it?

(f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. I mean, a shrimp just isn't the same as a you-know-what. Can you settle this?

(g) Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here? Would contact lenses fall within some exception?

(h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die? The Mafia once took out Albert Anastasia in a barbershop, but I'm not Catholic; is this ecumenical thing a sign that it's ok?

(i) I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

(j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted disciple.

Winston Smith Farnsworth

I will let you know when -- and if -- I get a response.