Friday, February 03, 2012

News Release: Mittens' Kittens

In a not-surprising move today, Governor Mitt Romney unveiled his latest plan to put food in the mouths of the nation's poor.

After his depressing gaffe earlier this week, in which he claimed that he didn't care about the poor in America, former Massachusetts Governor Mittens Romney today said that his plan would take care of two issues at the same time.

"Let them eat kittens," Romney said in an exclusive press conference. "Animal shelters across the country are reporting a record number of homeless cats. We also have a record number of people who go to bed hungry. Why not solve two problems at once?"

Romney claims that the number of kittens that will already be euthanized are of such a number that their rendered protein will serve the needs of the nation's homeless and hungry "for the foreseeable future".

Romney, you will recall, has already demonstrated his disdain for animals kept as pets by the now-infamous cross-country trip in which the family dog was fastened to the roof rack on Romney's vacation vehicle. He has also demonstrated his disdain for the poor in America by his statement that he doesn't really care about them.

Now, Romney says, if the poor can be convinced that the feral cat population can be used as a protein source, all the better.

"It's easy to dismiss a viable source of protein," Romney said, "but studies have shown that the truly hungry will eat pretty much anything if they have to."

There has been no word yet from the American Humane Organization or the Cat Protection Society on Romney's plan.


Oscarbob said...

Please add "This is satire" to protect Rep. John Fleming, R-La from more needless controversy. Thank you, Mrs. Fleming

Farnsworth68 said...

LOL Oscarbob!!!
I actually hope he picks it up and runs with it. I can use the publicity...
--The F Man