Aaand... Here Is Why Dick Cheney Is NOT Going to Miss Jon Stewart

Check this out, in case you missed The Daily Show yesterday:

Fuck, that is both brilliant comedy gold and incisive -- the incisivest^TM -- political commentary, all wrapped up in one delicious ten-minute bite of meat-wrapped chocolate-dipped snark!

While I practically busted a gut from laughing while I was watching it, it also drove up my blood pressure to dangerous levels, from the wrathful rage I harbor for Dick Cheney.

The guy is a bully and a thug and an über-hypocritical asshole. He is also a Republican -- but I repeat myself.

How can someone consistently be that out of touch with who he is and what he has done? That new heart didn't do anything for him except keep him needlessly above the dirt. But, if you are doing the work of The Devil, I guess you don't really think about that stuff...

President Dick Cheney? RUFKM??!!

Now that the Republican Clown Car is getting more and more riders, it's apparently time to insert the most tragically laughable candidate of all: Dick Cheney.

Yes, you read that right. Over the weekend George "I'm-not-a-liberal-but-I-play-one-on-television" Stephanopoulos asked his "round table" guests, who is the "most promising Republican" who is not already in the race for the White House in 2016. "Most promising Republican"??? Yes, really.

A surprise nomination: Dick Cheney! 

According to the rightwing eminence-grise and always-wrong Billy Kristol, “If they get to nominate Hillary Clinton, why don’t we get to nominate Dick Cheney? I mean, he has a much – he has a much better record. He has a much better record.” (I can almost hear the schoolyard "if she gets it then we get it, it's not fair!" whine)

A record of what? Encouraging Baby Doc Bush to invade the Middle East in a new Crusade? Pimping lies to the media about the totally "there can be no doubt" non-existent connections between Saddam Hussein and Al Qaeda? Expounding in mightily-grave tones about the mysteriously-vanishing weapons of mass destruction that Saddam had, then didn't have, then had again, then put onto Greyhound buses or something and shipped off to Syria where, presumably, they've now fallen into the hands of ISIL/ISIS, who inexplicably have not yet deployed them (am I the only person who's been paying attention to this shit...)?

Okay, by now everyone knows how I feel about Dick Cheney. But a President Dick Cheney? It boggles the mind. I'm really not ready for another Clinton, but if it's another (even if "another" means "the original") Cheney... Well, given my outspoken hatred for the man, it's probably best if I start looking for some foreign clime that doesn't have an extradition treaty with the United States.

Not that it will matter much. It's a simple task to "disappear" someone off the streets of any urban area, anywhere on the globe, and whisk them away to an unknown location for "enhanced interrogation".

If, by some weird happenstance, the next president is Dick Cheney, WASF. Just remember I said that, after I vanish into seemingly thin air...

Dick of the Year

Every year the News Corpse website of media criticism (which I read regularly) chooses whom it wishes to bestow upon the coveted title of "Dick of the Year".

The waiting is over. The hands-down winner of this year's award -- no surprises here --  is the appropriately-named Richard Bruce "Dick" Cheney. He proudly joins the Dick Hall of Fame (there may be an actual, genuine "Dick Hall of Fame", but a Google search for that phrase brings up some very odd results).

Speaking of Dicks, whatever happened to the Dickipedia? It was a Wiki dedicated to Dicks everywhere, and it was an equal-opportunity insulter. People like Tucker Carlson and Michele Bachmann shared the designation with people like Michael Moore and Barack Obama.

So what happened to it? Well, according to this guy:

It seems like the corporate overlords at AOL didn't take kindly to the Huffington Post offshoot. What a bunch of dicks. But if you want to take a look at the Way Back Machine... Dickipedia as it was.

And here is that link to the Internet Archives Wayback Machine's capture of The Dickipedia.

Enjoy.

Speaking of Darth Cheney...

In news that you just can't keep a good man a vampire-chested robot werewolf/ghoul/walking-dead denizen down: Dick Cheney crawled out from whatever rotting Transylvanian coffin he was inhabiting to criticize Barack Obama for lowering American prestige (!!!).

Yeah, let that one sink in for a minute...

As Jon Stewart said on The Daily Show,  "Every time Dick Cheney laughs, an angel gets stabbed in the [dick]."

Jesus, even after four years of No Dick Cheney, I still hate that fucker...